Earl's Diet Game Show
by mgsab123
Summary: There are seven contestants that must follow their specific diet plan in order to win money. Each day they last, they get x amount of money      Crack... just something to laugh with
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I don't own -man... yet! *evil smile* I'm saving up, heheheheheh

Summary: The Earl is hosting a Diet Game Show where each contestant gets paid for however long they can last on their specific diet.

This is just the first chapter introducing the contestants and show.

* * *

What happens when 7 poor souls lose a bet and must go on a diet game show?

...

E- Welcome to our first ever diet game show! I bring you the contestants!

E- Allen Walker

Allen- *muttering to himself* Why me? Why me?

Earl- Kanda Yu

Kanda- Che

Earl- Arystar Krory

Krory- *mumble, mumble*

Earl- Skin Boric

Skin- Hmm? Is this sweet?

Earl- Chaoji Han

Chaoji- High everybody! *waves retardedly*

Earl- And Lastly, Cross Marian

Cross- Oi, why am I last? And why are there all these ugly people? I better be getting paid *takes a drag of cigarette* I am getting paid right?

Earl- Yes, yes. Let me explain first Cross ~chan

*everybody else gets creeped out*

Cross- Chan? Why the hell am I Cross _–chan? _*throws cigarette on ground and stomps it out threateningly*

Earl- *coughs * Yes, the rules. Every day you last on your specific diet you earn 10, 000 yen. So now to assign the diets *grin get impossibly bigger*

Earl- Allen Walker… you are on a… * "eyebrows" raise* bean diet? Example being… beansprouts?

*Lavi and most in audience burst out laughing, Kanda cracks a smile*

Allen- *pales* No… no… that means no mitarashi dango? Noooo!

Earl- *While Krory tries to calm Allen down from hysteria* Yes… Well, on to the next contestant. Kanda Yu, you are on a "No Soba" diet.

Kanda- *rests his hand on Mugens hilt* Your kidding right?

*Lavi and Tiedoll stand up in the audience*

Lavi- You can do it Yu –chan!

Tiedoll- You can do it son!

Kanda- *clenches teeth* Shut up baka usagi… General! For the nth time I'm not your son!

Earl- *clears throat* Arystar Krory.

*Krory looks at the ground, scared*

Earl- You are on a "Soba Only" diet. This means NOTHING else, specially Akuma blood *under his breath* though I don't get why someone would even enjoy it…

Jasdero and Debitto- *from audience with their guns flailing around* Monster!

Krory- *pales, ignoring/not noticing the Earls and Twins comments* Only…. Soba? *faints on stage*

Earl- *while Allen tries to wake Krory* Next! Skin Boric. Well…. How to put this… you can't any sweets.

*Road sneers from audience and starts laughing as she kicks her feet in the air, of course with a lollipop in place in her mouth*

Skin- Huh? No sweets? *get pissed and starts punching the nearest person who just happens to be Chaoji*

Earl- Uhhh… commercial?

Allen- *slightly worried* ummm… shouldn't we stop him?

*everyone looks at each other* Nahhhhhhhhh

Allen- *mumbles* Well he did call me a demon…

…

_After Skin pounds Chaoji enough that his temper calms down, and Chaoji looks better than before_

…

Cross- *commenting on Chaoji's bloody and swollen face/body critically* Well… Can't say it's much of an improvement, I mean look at that thing, but it did help.

Earl- *nods* Yes, I see what you mean… Well, on to Chaoji Han's diet! Chaoji, your diet is… *pauses for dramatic effect* an all out diet! *puts hand on Chaoji's bruised shoulder roughly and says in a deadly sweet voice* You need it. I mean really try not to eat… at all. It just might work…. Ah who am I kidding? *heart*

Chaoji- *being too dumb to comprehend, smiles stupidly* Thanks a bunches!

Earl- Yes… *slightly taken aback by his stupidity* Well, *clears throat* Next is Cross Marian *snickers happily* You are on a… wait for it… CW4Kids diet!

Cross- *twitches slightly and pulls out Judgment and points it in the Earl's face* What kind of a hell of a diet is that? Is that even a DIET?

Earl- *tsks* Now, now Cross ~chan *takes Judgment* No guns are allowed on a CW4Kids diet! *voice becomes sickly sweet* Nobody ever dies, guns are too violent! That includes alcohol and cigarettes!

Cross- *narrows his eyes threateningly* I better get paid WELL.

Earl- *waves him off* We'll see. We'll see. Now to make sure no one cheats… *everyone looks at Allen* We will be having an overseer assigned to each contestant. *clears throat* For Allen Walker, after a heavy competition, I mean literally everyone was fighting over him, the overseer will be… Tyki Mikk. *Allen pales, Allen Fangirls/guys *cough* almost everyone in the audience *uncough* glares jealously*

Tyki- *gets up from his seat and makes his way to the stage* How ya doing, shounen?

*Tyki puts his arm around Allen's shoulder (**A/N**: I was going to put shoulders but then I was like oh… wait that's Road's thing xD ) most in audience all put growl in envy*

Earl- For Kanda Yu, after a heavy competition between Tiedoll, Marie, and Lavi, *cough* foul play might have been involved but is unconfirmed *cough* so for now the overseer will be Lavi.

*Kanda just glares murderously while Lavi stands up and puts his hands behind his head and smiles devilishly as he slowly makes his way on stage*

Lavi- *ruffling Kanda's hair* This is going to be so much fun! Right Yu –chan?

Earl- For Arystar Krory… Well there was really nobody so Miranda Lotto volunteered.

Krory- *still slightly out of it from fainting, mumbles* Thank you… *goes all delusional* Eliade.

Miranda- *stands up and bows slightly and gives a nervous smile before coming on stage* Well, I hope I don't mess up…

Earl- *nonchalantly* Yes, yes we all do. Now don't go all emo on us in the corner. *clears throat* For Skin Boric, Road Kamelot… strongly insisted on being the overseer *cough* no… there was no threats… or candles… or fire by my top hats…*starts mumbling to self*

Skin- Huh?

*Road jumps out of her seat and throws herself at Skin wrapping her arms around his neck in a hug that would kill a normal human*

Road- *still hanging from around Skin's neck a few feet off the ground* I can't wait! This is going to be so much fun, *smiles evilly* eh, Skin? *smiles over at Allen randomly, Allen sweat drops*

Earl- Yes… Well where was I? Oh, yes the fatso. For Chaoji Han, there was really nobody who wanted to do it so we had another mini contest in which Lenalee Lee lost. So she will be his overseer.

Chaoji- Yay! Ms. Lenalee! Yay, no we get to spend sooooooooooo much time together!

*everyone tries not to laugh at Chaoji's wishful thinking that he will last long, Lenalee smiles politely and walks on the stage*

Lenalee- *in a forced voice* Can't wait.

*Komui narrows his eyes dangerously from the audience*

Earl- Lastly, but not least *creepy smile* Cross Marian's overseers will be none other than the Twins, Jasdero and Debitto.

Cross- Huh? What kind of a joke are you playing at? Filthy brats overseeing me? Where are the hot women!

*Jasdero and Debitto stand up, pointing their guns at each others head as they make their way to the stage*

Jasdero- HeeHee We found ya Cross!

Debitto- No running away this time you bastard!

Cross- *narrows eyes* Are they mocking me? Are they fucken mocking me?

*everyone ignores Cross but Jasdero and Debitto become more cocky with their gun showing*

Cross- *growls under breath with his hand on his gun holster* Those little bastards are just plain fucking lucky my Judgment got taken…

Earl- Yes, Yes. More rules now. You may not kill your overseer *all the contestants groan* but harming or damaging them mentally is fine.

Kanda- *while glaring at Lavi* What happens if you do kill your overseer?

Earl- You lose.

Kanda- That's it? *smiles evilly*

Lavi- ummm, Yu –chan? *bunny ears in place* why do you have such a scary face on?

Earl- Okay everyone, the contest starts as soon as you leave this stage! May the best stomach win!

...

_Afterwards behind the stage_

_...  
_

Komui- You never gave them a time limit you know, they could go on for months.

Earl- Nah, *creepy smile* they aren't that good a bunch. My guess is most won't last a day… the best will only last a week… at the most.

Komui- *sweat drops* ahhh… your right…

* * *

Okay, this story started out as me and my brother talking about how much we hate Chaoji and how much he needs a diet... That escalated to us thinking up cruel diets for some of the other characters... and yea, than you got this. I'm not sure if i succeeded at trying to make a funny fanfiction, but let me know xD

plz, plz, plz review, I need to know input, good or bad I don't care.


	2. First Few Hours

Disclamier: I dont own -man... *sigh* but soon... as soon as my stash of money gets to be enough

* * *

First Few Hours

"Well night… Chaoji?" Lenalee asked worriedly.

She glanced around, but Chaoji was no where in sight. I mean you would know if Chaoji was anywhere in a 10 mile radius. His size, and the thundering of his steps, would make it easy. So, yea. Lenalee was worried.

She walked out the door of the room, planning on going looking for him since there _had_ been a lot of stairs and he might need help, when something grabbed her ankle. She screeched and jumped almost 10 feet in the air, or… well she should would have if whatever had grabbed her didn't weigh hundreds of pounds, better than any anchor yet to be invented..

"Lenalee…" the thing moaned.

Lenalee screeched again, thinking that maybe ugly flesh eating monsters were real, until she noticed that it was Chaoji. A common mistake that happened quite often.

"Chaoji," Lenalee sighed in relief, "Are you, um, okay?"

"Neeeeeed… fooooooooooood." He moaned pitifully.

"Um Chaoji, well, it's really late… and you already had some chicken before we left the Game Show studio." Lenalee said hesitantly.

"Yeeeessss, but it's time for my miiiiidnight snack," he whined, "I'll diiiiiie without it!"

"Well…" Lenalee offered, "Before we can do anything or, well, eat anything…" she trailed off then cleared her throat and started again, "You first have to get to your room. Your only a few feet away."

"Yes, but that's soooooo much…" he whined but then a determined glint came to his eyes, "No. For the food I will do it!"

He tried to stand up but it didn't really work, fat is hard to lift once it's down. After 30 minutes (a new record!) of strenuous effort, Chaoji was standing. He then started to walk, Lenalee all but diving out of the way to avoid his lumbering steps. He made it half way across his room before his legs buckled, which, considering it is a miracle that his legs could even lift him, was an enormous feat.

"No!" Chaoji cried, reaching out his fat hands to his stash of food only a few feet away under his bed, "So close! My lovely food! Why?"

"Um, Chaoji, are you all right?" Lenalee asked, crouching down to see what she could do to help like she usually does, but, like usual, failing epically. I mean what can you do to help a tub of lard that is collapsed on the floor? Lift it? Yea, right.

"Fooooooooooood," Chaoji moaned a crazy glint in his eyes, "Must… Eat."

"Chaoji?" Lenalee asked nervously, not sure what to do.

"Food… food…" Chaoji looked over at Lenalee, "Food… Food…" his mouth started drooling.

Chaoji?" Lenalee asked, disturbed by the drool leaking out of his mouth.

Chaoji smiled, and started to giggle. Lenalee leaned back, scared out of her mind now. I mean Chaoji smiling and giggling in itself is a horrible sight, but with drool coming out of his mouth it was plain bloodcurdling.

"Chaoji!" Lenalee screamed as he jumped towards her with his mouth open and ready to bite, "Chaoji!"

…

_In Allen's Room_

…

Tyki was sitting in a chair in the corner of the room. He was trying to read but Allen's stomach kept grumbling and there was this odd thumping sound that was slightly disturbing. He glanced up for the umpteenth time as Allen rolled over in his bed.

"_He's so… cute? Is that the word?"_ Tyki thought but then shook his head roughly, _"Wow, I'm acting too much like Cyril… I better stop hanging around with him so much…"_

Tyki jumped as a scream that sounded like a wounded banshee, or a chicken being throttled, which was actually a very common sound for him, vibrated throughout the room.

"Lenalee…" Allen mumbled as he turned over in his sleep, curling into a little ball.

"_Too cute!"_ Tyki couldn't help but think as he started to read again, ignoring the chicken/banshee sound_, "But I wish it was my name he had mumbled…"_

…

_Back To Chaoji's Room_

…

Chaoji laid down on the ground satisfied, licking his lips. Lenalee had tasted good, like cow. Then a shadow cast itself over Chaoji's enormous body, the shadow seeming twice his size. Chaoji was shocked into silence, a certain awe overcoming his fat features, for he had never seen something bigger than himself before.

Then a high pitch whirling started along with Chaoji's equally high pitch screams. Let's just say Komui did unspeakable things to him and Chaoji was never seen again. (**A/N:** I wish…) I'll let you use your imagination.

…

_Kanda's Room_

…

Kanda was ready to kill him. That Baka Usagi wouldn't shut up!

"Panda…" Lavi moaned from the other bed, "Hiban… Take that… Panda!"

Kanda gritted his teeth, how was he supposed to sleep with that _thing_ in his room? He got up out of his bed and stood over the Baka Usagi, debating over whether to just kill him now… or wait till later.

"Strike!" Lavi shouted as he pumped his fist in the air, hitting Kanda and knocking him out. Lavi rolled over and chuckled in his sleep, "Lenalee…Fatso… Drill… Komui… Komui!"

Lavi jumped awake, his survival instincts kicking in just thinking about that man. He stood on top of his bed, hammer in hand, and looked around, confused. "It was a dream?" he mumbled.

Then he saw Kanda laying on the ground next to his bed. He jumped down off the bed and kneeled down next to the sleeping samurai. "Hey," Lavi sang as he poked Kanda, "Hey. Hey. Hey. YU ~CHAN!"

Lavi frowned when Kanda didn't even twitch. It was no fun bothering someone who wouldn't respond, so he decided to just go back to sleep and ask him in the morning.

* * *

I just had to put this chapter up early (well earlier then I intended) xD I wrote it in a different format because the play type format wouldn't work well... I'll be using that again though whenever we go back to the Game Show Studio.

Again, plz review. I rlly like to know what you think, be it good or bad =)


	3. Day 1 Morning

0kay, sorry this Chapter took me so long to put up... and sorry it isn't quite as funny as other chapters (well to me at least...) but next chapter... Cross will be in it! i swear it'll be good! Imagine the twins... and Cross... in his room... all alone... in aprons... a closet nearby... oh god, what am i describing? xD

Plz reveiw! It'll make my day 3

Oh yea, I still don't have enough money to buy the rights to -man yet... so yea... I don't own.

* * *

"So I heard Chaoji is out of the contest…" Allen said as Tyki, Kanda, Lavi, and himself made their way to the cafeteria.

"Yup," Lavi replied with a chuckle, "Seems he _ate_ Lenalee. I mean I knew he was a fatass, but really."

Tyki made a face, "And you exorcists call us violent."

Lavi looked over his shoulder, "What do you think Yu –chan?"

Kanda glared at him, "Che, shut up you baka usagi. It's bad enough I had to hear your big mouth as soon as I got up… Don't talk to me." Kanda touched his head and flinched slightly from it still being bruised. Getting knocked out, then spending the night on the floor can do that to you.

Lavi frowned, oblivious to Kanda's bruised head being his fault, and whined, "You're so mean Yu –chan!"

Kanda pulled out Mugen and rested it on Lavi's shoulder, "Go ahead, call me by my first name one more time."

"Don't hurt me! That's mean! Y-Yu –chan…" Lavi stammered as his bunny ears seemed to appear at the prospect of death so near.

Kanda's teeth clenched audibly and his vein in his forehead seemed to pop. You could almost visibly see his patience snap. "That's it," he said, his voice menacing, "You're a dead rabbit!"

Kanda brought Mugen up to strike right as Lavi shouted in fear and dodged by a hair. His eyes seemed to bulge out of his head as his eyes watched the blade miss him so narrowly.

"Yu –chan, ahhh!" Lavi cried as he ran around the hallway, trying to dodge Kanda's sword.

Tyki raised an eyebrow as Allen sighed, "This only happens sometimes…" he muttered.

Lavi, who was standing on his hammer as close to the ceiling as possible to try to block most of the damage from Kanda, shouted down in an exasperated voice, "Sometimes? Yu –chan tries to beat me up _for no reason_ all the time!"

_…_

_In The Cafeteria_

…

"Excuse me!" Miranda cried as she carried a tray across the cafeteria to where Krory was sitting, almost spilling the contents and falling numerous times, "I-I'm sorry! Ahhh, s-sorry!"

After a few treacherous minutes, Miranda made it to the table, leaving only a few people muttering curses under their breaths in her path.

"Krory?" Miranda questioned as she put the tray in front of him.

Krory had his eyes closed and was muttering to himself. "You can do it… You can do it… Soba won't kill you… It's only a little scary… Do it for Eliade!"

"Krory?" Miranda questioned again, not wanting to disturb him too much since she recognized a pep talk when she saw one, though she could also tell that it was useless.

Krory opened his eyes and glanced down at his tray. Sitting on it was… the dreaded Soba. He jumped in his seat, causing it to drop backwards, himself included. He covered his face with his arm, trying to mask his horror and protect himself from the dreaded substance at the same time.

"W-W-What is _that_ doing here?" he cried, black Krory then surfaced as Krory's blood boiled in fear, "You stupid, idiotic women! You're useless! Useless I say!"

"I-I'm sorry!" Miranda stammered as she burst out in tears, "I-I thought… I'm s-s-s-sorry!"

As Miranda ran off to go cry in a corner, or maybe drink herself to tomorrow with her clock, black Krory faded not being able to sustain himself without fresh Akuma blood.

Krory blinked, confused, and then cried as he ran after Miranda to apologize, "I'm sorry! I'm sorry! Don't cry! I quit! See what that "food" can do to you? Soba is the DEVIL!"

Krory bumped into Lavi and the others as he ran out of the cafeteria.

"Kro –chan?" Lavi questioned as he watched Krory running away, muttering something about soba being the devil.

"Poor Krory…" Allen said sympathetically, "He's scarred for life because of _someone_." Allen pointedly looked at Kanda.

Kanda just glared back, his hand resting on Mugen, "Che, you want to start something moyashi?"

Allen smiled evilly, "How many times do I have to tell you, it's Allen, Bakanda."

"Yea, Soba isn't the devil," Lavi muttered glancing back at Kanda as he pushed Allen forward for his own protection, "It's the ones who eat it…"

All of a sudden, Allen stopped. The temperature in the entrance to the cafeteria seemed to drop.

"Allen?" Lavi questioned as he looked at Allen, slightly worried.

Allen glared at him, "So, you're saying I'm a devil too? What is up with everyone and calling me a devil!"

(**A/N:** I can just see Allen being touchy about this subject… and since he eats anything, soba included, I would guess he would be offended by Lavi's statement.)

Tyki snickered and put his arm around Allen's shoulder, "See, boy, I told you you're more like a white devil."

"No! Allen!" shouted a stricken Lavi, his face panicked, "I didn't mean you!"

"Yea… whatever…" Allen said dejectedly as he let Tyki lead him to his seat, his body drained of all energy.

"Alleeeen!" Lavi shouted after Allen's hunched shoulders, "Alleeeen!"

"You better stop shouting the moyashi's name," Kanda sneered evilly, "Johnny might get jealous that you're stealing his part… and his… Allen."

Lavi froze as he felt many vicious glares burning into him from all around. He tried to chuckle but it wouldn't get past the sudden lump in his throat. His bunny ears popped out again, a sudden feeling of danger overwhelming him. He slowly tried to back up but his legs wouldn't move.

Tyki glared back at Kanda and Lavi, "Are you coming?" he sneered arrogantly then he turned and glanced at Allen, who was still hunched over dejectedly in his seat, the bean sprouts in front of him doing nothing to improve his mood, "And what do you mean _his_ Allen, you're not talking about me right?"

"Uhhh," Lavi stammered as all eyes in the cafeteria seemed to be wishing for his death, "Uhhh…"

"There so… small…" Allen muttered as his eyes began to tear, "Why are they so small? Timcanpy is bigger then them!" Allen wailed.

All eyes went from Lavi to Allen, all filled with sympathy. Lavi let out a sigh of relief as he quickly and quietly made his way to sit next to Allen before everyone was back on his case.

"Allen," Jerry said comfortingly as he rested his hand on Allen's shoulder, "When this Game show is over, I'll make you the best, most grandest meal ever!" Jerry put his other hand on his chest and looked up, his eyes twinkling as he thought up what he was going to make.

"Jerry," Allen sniffled as he gave a small smile, "You mean it?"

_Too Cute, _everyone, even Kanda for a second before he went 'Che', thought as they watched Allen give his small, teary eyed smile.

"Of course!" Jerry huffed.


	4. Day 1 Afternoon

Disclaimer: Are you really going to make me say it again? =*(

Sorry for not updating in forever... I had summer work that i ummm... forgot? about... and then school started... so yea. Things have been busy, but I've slowly been typing up this HUGE chapter. The next chapter is going to be ALL about the Twins and Cross... hehehehehehe xD

This Chapter might need a warning. There is a lot of language because the Twins and Cross are making their appearances... so yea. You were warned.

Enjoy and Review 3 (And damn I talk a lot...)

* * *

"HeeHee, so what do we do?" Jas wondered out loud to Debi as he glanced over at Cross who had his hand covering his face as he slept on one of the couches that wasn't covered with wine bottles, debt slips, or empty cigarette boxes, "He hasn't woken up, HeeHee."

"Shhh," Debi hissed as he clamped his hand over Jas's stitched mouth, "You'll wake the damn bastard!"

"HeeHee, Sorry…" came Jas's muffled reply from behind Debi's hand.

Debi removed his hand from Jas's mouth, giving him a warning glare. He put his finger to his lips as another reminder for stealth, since Jas tended to forget things quickly, before he reached in his pocket and pulled out his golden gun, a wicked glint in his eyes.

Jas smiled his goofy smile as he followed Debi's train of thought and brought out his identical gun with a suppressed, "HeeHee!"

They both turned towards where Cross was laying, tip-toeing towards him, trying to make as little noise as possible which, even if it wasn't the Twins, was an impossible task considering the litter everywhere. The only known person said to have accomplished such a task was Allen, and that was only after numerous failed attempts.

So, as expected, Jas tripped over a wine bottle, crashing into Debi who spewed out a few choice curse words as they both fell to the ground, rolling and tumbling in a tangle of limbs and litter.

Debi finally managed to push Jas off of him and stand up, cursing and holding his side which had gotten a nice elbow dug into it and was now throbbing painfully. Jas got to his feet as well, swaying slightly as his head rocked back and forth like it had taken one to many hits.

By this point, they had made enough racket to wake the dead. Even by the Twins standards, they had been damn loud. The Twins stared at each other then back at Cross, expecting him to wake up at any moment. The Twins looked at each other again, stunned, when it seemed that Cross had been unaffected by the noise. It must have been something along the lines of minor withdraw, not wanting to get up knowing he couldn't have alcohol or cigarettes… either that or he just was a sound sleeper who didn't wake up until long after noon.

Not knowing what to do, and finding that the rolling and tumbling had brought them right next to where Cross was sleeping, they solved it the usual way. Which, being who they were, was by smiling cockily and slowly pointing their guns at Cross's head.

…

_Allen's Room_

…

"Allen!" Lavi sang as he barged into Allen's room, "Al-"

Lavi's words seemed to leave him as he was struck dumb by the scene before him.

Tyki was knelt down to Allen's height, tying his red bowtie for him and fixing his collar. Allen was mumbling something about how he could do it himself, looking off to the side with a slight coloring to his pale face. When Allen registered Lavi, and Kanda behind him, Allen's face turned to a mask of horror, while Tyki glared at the intruding two.

Lavi couldn't help himself; he fell to the ground in a fit of laughter. Lavi only managed to stop laughing when Kanda gave him a good kick to the gut. Lavi held his stomach in pain for a few seconds, Tyki smirking at the redhead's pain, before he got up and cleared his throat.

Allen, who had pushed away from Tyki, got a good glimpse of Lavi for the first time since he entered. His eye was black and blue and his body was littered with them as well. I mean, it wasn't unusual to see Lavi with a few black and blues, he tended to enjoy messing with the wrong people, namely Kanda, but this was a bit much. It looked like a horde of people had gone at him.

"Lavi," Allen started worriedly, his brow crinkling in thought, "What happened to you?"

"Uhhh," Lavi started nervously glancing at the floor.

"Kanda," Allen cut in before Lavi could say anything else. He glared at the Japanese man and, in a few well paced strides, was in front of him, his face evil, "It's not nice to hurt people now," Allen said chidingly.

Kanda glared down at him, "You want to start something moyashi?"

"It's Allen, Bakanda. Say it with me, AL-LEN." Allen said in a sweet condescending tone.

"Ahem," Lavi coughed to get back everyone's attention so he could explain, "It… wasn't Kanda." Lavi said slowly, almost… wishfully?

"Who was it then?" Allen asked, as he snapped back to worrying about his friend.

"Well…" Lavi started, his eyes glazing over, "I don't know _everyone_… there was too many… too many…" his voice trailed off.

"Whah!" Allen exclaimed surprised, "Couldn't you tell who _any_ of them were?"

"…Well… there was… Johnny (He was saying something about how I had some nerve)… and the Earl (He was saying something about how the 14th was _his_)… and Road (She didn't say anything… she just had on an evil grin)… and Cyril (He was saying something about "protecting his brother's purity" *cough* "for himself" *cough*)… and General Sokaro (I think he just was there to beat somebody up)…"

*The list kept going for a few minutes since, even though Lavi had said he hadn't seen everyone, he was still a Bookman with astute senses and a very good memory*

"And… and…" Lavi finished, by this time all but crying into Allen's shoulder, "Tyki!"

Allen patted Lavi on the back consolingly, still not exactly sure of what had happened to the redhead. He shot Tyki a glare, he might not have understood the whole story but there was one thing he did understand… it was all Tyki's fault. Or well… Tyki's name had been last… so that was the one Allen actually understood.

Tyki's eyes widened in mock innocence, "Me? I never did such a thing."

Lavi snapped. He pointed his finger at Tyki accusingly and yelled in an exasperated voice, "Never did such a thing? You were leading the whole fucking thing! And," he added in a small voice, "and Johnny… can't forget Johnny… he's scary when he's mad…"

"I don't know what you're talking about, baka usagi," Kanda sneered, an evil glint in his eyes, "I didn't see a _thing_."

Lavi's eyes started to glisten with tears, "You meany! You were standing on the side, watching it all!" Lavi then wailed pathetically and started to cry into Allen's shoulder again, "Your fangirls/boys are mean Allen…"

"It's okay, it's okay…" Allen said consolingly.

"Yea," Tyki smirked, "Your fans are just whimper, almost like girls."

"That's because they _are _girls!" Lavi wailed, then stopped a pondering look on his face, "At least I think…"

…

_Cross's Room_

…

Right as the Twins were about to rest their guns against Cross's head, he grunted and smacked his hand out sending a surprised Debi flying.

Cross sat up and stretched his arms out above his head, yawning. He blinked a few times before he registered a disgruntled, swearing Debi sprawled out on the ground and Jas looking between Cross and where Debi had flown to in shock.

"Oi," Cross started as Debi got up and marched his way back towards Cross looking pissed, "What the hell are you filthy beings doing?"

"HeeHee, we were going to see if you were dead," Jas replied.

"By putting a fucken gun to my head?" Cross questioned dubiously as he eyed their golden guns that were gleaming mockingly in the brats (Twins) hands.

Jas smiled and nodded his head animatedly, "Yup! HeeHee!"

Debi glared at Jas and smacked him in the head with his gun, "Shut up!" he growled, "You're not suppose to tell him!"

"HeeHee, sorry," Jas whimpered as he rubbed his head.

"Are you freak shows done yet?" Cross asked indolently as he raised his hand to his mouth only to drop it dejectedly as he remembered he didn't have any cigarettes.

Debi opened his mouth to say something but then shut it violently, gritting his teeth. He turned and stalked off to the couch and plopped down, picking up the remote and clicking it viciously.

Jas and Cross just looked at him, not quite sure what to make of his little tantrum, until Debi exclaimed in annoyance, "This television is a bunch of crap! Who would want one of these anyways?"

Debi then stood up and glanced around the room, "And this place is a mess," he left out that some of it was his fault as he ranted on, "You should clean this crap up!"

Jas nodded in agreement, "HeeHee, yea. It's worse then my bed!"

Both Twins looked expectantly at Cross, smiles of triumph on their faces. Well at least on Debi's, Jas was just smiling.

"You want this room cleaned up, eh?" Cross asked, a certain note of amusement in his tone.

Debi's smile faltered, but came back as he boldly stated, "Yea, clean up this fucken mess already!"

A smile slowly crept up on the General's face. The Twins gulped as a sinking feeling seemed to engulf them, even Jas was nervous.

"So," Cross started slowly, his smile turning into a self satisfied smirk, "Clean it."

The Twins stared at him dumbfounded before they burst out laughing, falling over from the intensity of their laughs.

Finally Debi barked out between laughs, "Why the fuck would we clean _your _room?"

Cross just stared at the Twins, face completely even, "I said clean it."

The Twin's laughter came to a halt as they stood up and glared at Cross, "Why-"

"Clean." Cross interrupted, "Now."

Debi fumbled with words, a certain feeling of dread coming over him for saying, or even thinking of saying, "no" to Cross. Cross caught Debi's eyes and just stared long and hard at him.

Debi gritted his teeth and looked away, glancing down at the ground, "Fuck… fine."

Jas stared at Debi wide eyed and glanced from Debi to Cross. He opened his mouth like he was going to say something, but with a glance from Cross, shut it.

Debi bent over and started to clean, cursing under his breath about "That bastard Cross" as he crushed an empty cigarette box in his hands.

"Wait," Cross said as he threw something at the Twins making Jas drop the disfigured box of cigarettes he had found under the couch and had been holding up in the air, "Wear these."

The Twins looked at each other then opened the package. Inside was… aprons. And not just any aprons, the frilliest, gayest ones ever.

They both snapped, jumping up and pointing their guns at Cross, pure fury on both of their faces, "Why the fuck would we wear something like that you bastard!"

Cross put his hands behind his head and leaned back, an evil glint in his eyes, "For my amusement, what else?"

The Twins just stared at him both of their mouths gapping open, not able to respond directly to an answer like that. Debi snapped out of it first, "You're fucked up in the head if you think we would wear something like these," he pinched one of the aprons between his fingers and stared at it disgustedly.

"I wasn't really giving you an opinion." Cross said, a certain note to his voice that could send shivers up any one's spine. It was the tone of voice that he used to get what he wanted and nobody, NOBODY, could say no to it… it was because of fearing for your life or something.

Debi clenched his teeth as Jas stood frozen in shock, not sure what to do. Debi was practically in tears as he fully gripped the apron in his hand. He slowly put it on, giving up his pride, dignity, and manliness, for his wanting to survive without Cross doing God knows what to him.

Jas's eyes widened at seeing his brother looking so pathetic. Even more pathetic then when Road had changed Debi's shampoo with pink hair dye, or his eyeliner with a permanent green marker and Debi hadn't noticed as he put it on in the morning half asleep.

"You too, blondie." Cross said with complete triumph in his eyes.

Jas whimpered quietly but he put on the apron without a fuss. Both Twins shared a murderous glare, both radiating the same thought.

When they were done with this, they were going to _kill_ that bastard!

…

_On the way to the cafeteria_

…

"So… how much candy can that buy?" Skin asked Road who was hanging from his back, her delicate hands wrapped around his neck, her feet dangling.

Road smiled her grin impossibly wide, her voice sickly sweet as she replied, "Well, it should be enough for about 20 pieces per day. That's assuming it's not the cheap stuff… which it won't be."

Skin's face scrunched up in concentration as he lifted his big hands and tried to count to twenty on only ten fingers. He frowned, confused as to why he couldn't seem to get to twenty, "That's a lot right?"

Road giggled, "Plenty," her eyes became devilish as her voice seemed to drip honey, or at least honey-coated daggers, "Enough to give me… say, 19 pieces?"

Skin's brow crinkled again… "19?" he paused, trying to think about how much that was, but his fingers failed him again. He finally just nodded and said gruffly, "Fine. But only 19."

At that moment Skin and Road entered the cafeteria where there was a certain… commotion going on.

"But Yu," Lavi said, his eyes wide, "I thought you loved strawberry cake?"

Kanda's face went dark; silence seemed to fall over the room as everyone watched. Everyone kept glancing from the samurai to the cake in front of him with worried expressions. None were really worried about what would happen to Lavi, but of what would happen to themselves when Kanda snapped… which was probably only seconds away.

Yes, everyone knew Lavi was going to be a dead rabbit in a matter of seconds, it was getting caught in the crossfire that they were all worried about.

"Yu?" Lavi asked worriedly, putting his finger out to poke the motionless Kanda.

Everyone cringed; Lavi was just pouring salt on the wound. He seemed to enjoy digging his grave bigger.

As Lavi's finger made contact with Kanda, he snapped. He stood up, the chair flying backwards and a few people with it in fear. He swept the cake violently from the table with a swift motion of his hand, sending it flying through the air.

"You… baka usagi!" Kanda roared as he pulled out Mugen and chased after an already running Lavi.

But for once, it wasn't Kanda and Lavi that everyone's eyes followed. No. It was the strawberry cake that was flying through the air in what seemed like slow motion. It arched in the air, slowly falling down and landed… right on Road and Skin who had been entering at the time.

Everyone stopped, staring in shock. Even Kanda and Lavi paused from where Kanda had Lavi pinned against the wall. Nobody knew whether to laugh or be afraid for their lives as the two stunned Noah just stood there with cake dripping down their faces.

Skin slowly reached up and wiped some icing off his cheek. He stared at his finger, confused as to how the substance had gotten there. Everyone held their breath; they knew that Skin had a violent temper. They were all thinking of what had happened to Chaoji and were thinking up who to offer for Skin to pound next.

Skin plopped his finger in his mouth, his face serious. Then his face split into a grin, "It's sweet."

Everyone was shocked and just watched as Skin began to eat the cake off his head. Komui was the first to recover from the shock.

He gasped and pointed at Skin, his voice melodramatic as he exclaimed, "You just lost the GAME!"

Nervous chuckles followed this that soon became relieved laughs. Kanda resumed beating up Lavi and everyone went back to normal. Everyone, but Road.

She finally released her grip from around Skin's neck, dropping to the ground with a thud that seemed to loud and imposing for her small size. Everyone froze again. A chill seemed to blow through the cafeteria. Everyone slowly looked at Road who had her head down, fists at her side, and was radiating a demonic aura.

"Now I only get one days worth of candy," she said slowly, all daggers now, no honey, "Do you know how many pieces that is?"

She looked up and pierced everyone, especially Kanda and Lavi who she seemed to blame the most, with a murderous glare, "19 _fucking_ pieces!" she said softly with pure rage licking her every word.

Candles seemed to appear around her out of nowhere as she took a step forward. Everyone froze, scared for their lives. Kanda and Lavi both looked like cornered rabbits as Road stalked towards them. They both forgot about the other as they silently tried to back away as far as they could from the approaching Road.

What Road would have done to them is unknown, because at that time Allen walked towards her. His expression was determined, not afraid in the least for he knew he had nothing _serious_ to fear from Road, as he reached out and grabbed her hand. He would do whatever he had to, to save his friends... friend?

Road stopped in shock and looked up at Allen. She blinked a few times before she broke out into a wide grin as she squealed, "Allen!"

She jumped and wrapped her arms around Allen's neck in a chokehold hug. She giggled as she nuzzled her head into Allen's shoulder, "What're you up too, Allen?"

Before Allen could answer, Tyki stalked over and pulled Road off of Allen, her complaining and kicking the whole time.

"You know you're going to end up killing him." Tyki said glaring at her as he still held her in the air.

Road pouted and crossed her arms across her chest, her feet still dangling, "I wouldn't," she whined then muttered under her breath, "He wouldn't mind anyways."

Tyki dropped her on her feet as he muttered threateningly, "Stay out of this. If anyone kills him, it's going to be me."

Allen, who had heard their conversation along with everyone else in the cafeteria, paled as his shoulders slumped. For some reason the thought of people arguing over who was going to kill him was not heart warming. Weird, right?

Without anything else said or done, he shuffled out of the cafeteria in a gloomy haze muttering under his breath about being killed.

Tyki, and Road who now had no obligation to follow Skin around, ran after him shouting for him to wait up and pushing each other out of the way.

Everyone watched in silence, not sure how to respond. Finally, everyone either sweat dropped or glared after Tyki's and Road's retreating backs, debating whether to follow. Or well, if you're Johnny, to cry for Allen to come save you in hopes that he would come back.


	5. Day 1 Night into Day 2 Morning

Disclamier: I'm not there... yet o.O

So ummmmm... this chapter needs some... warnings? Yea. Language, Gay mention, LANGUAGE. Oh, and there is also possible child abuse? Don't ask me, these things just pop up... and I think that bounding and locking two teens in a closet (after knocking them out of course) is child abuse... and brutally forcing them to clean, though my mom does that =/

So anyways, enjoy! Tell me if there is anything you want to see, sorry if this chapter isn't as funny, and for the amount of time it took for me to update! PLEASE REVIEW!

P.S. - These views are not my necessarily my own personal ones!

* * *

"What the fuck is this?" hissed a very pissed off Debi as he held up a wrinkled, black substance.

Him and Jas had been cleaning for hours and they still weren't done. The only proof of their work was piles of trash bags stuffed to their limits in one corner of the room. But despite this, the room was still a mess. It turns out hours upon hours of cleaning only got you through the top layer of junk. Now the Twins were on the more… colorful trash. Or, well, the more decayed trash.

"Hell with that, I just don't want to know." Growled Debi as he threw the substance into a white garbage bag.

"HeeHee, are we done yet?" whined Jas as he plopped down on the floor, exhausted.

Debi yanked Jas to his feet harshly, scowling and hitting Jas in the head, "What the hell are you doing? Do you want the bastard to wake up again?"

Jas whimpered as he rubbed his head. He shuddered, thinking of Cross. You see, Cross had watched the Twins for the first few minutes, smiling viciously, but he soon fell asleep. The Twins, thinking it was safe, had chuckled amongst themselves as they stopped cleaning and started to remove the aprons, planning on making a run for it. But they never got that far. Cross had woken up and given _that_ look and they had frozen. They rapidly had gone back to work, Cross dozing off again.

So, the Twins were left cleaning as Cross napped.

Debi gritted his teeth, mumbling something about Cross "getting the fucken shit beaten out of him" as he shoved Jas to get him back to work. They still had a lot left.

_…_

_A few hours later… or maybe half a day? Who knows…_

_…_

"HeeHee ~ Done ~" Jas sang as he skipped around Debi who was collapsed on the floor.

"HeeHee, Debi?" Jas questioned as he stopped skipping and tilted his head in confusion, "Are you dead too?"

"Shut up." growled Debi as he stood up, marching over to where Cross was sleeping, "Oi, bastard! Bastard!" Debi yelled in Cross's ear.

"Bastard! We're done! Oi, get your ass up!"

Cross's hand snapped up and grabbed Debi's collar, pulling him down to where his face was, "What was that you filthy being?"

Debi, who was already long past his limit of tolerance, if he even had one, and was hurting in the manliness points, because of the whole gay apron thing, butted his head up to Cross's boldly, "What the fuck do you think I said?" he shot back heatedly.

"Hmmmm?" Cross said as he narrowed his eyes, "Didn't you grow balls you frilly gay."

"Is that the thanks we get for cleaning this hell hole up for your lazy ass?" Debi retorted as he narrowed his eyes as well.

Cross stood up, throwing Debi face first into the couch as he did so. He glanced around, wiping his hands on his pants as if he had touched something disgusting.

He nodded, "Yea, good job. You'd make great housewives, congrats."

Debi pushed himself up from where his face had been eating couch, his face twisted with fury.

"You can go suck it you-"

"Hey," Jas cut in, his head tilting to the side in confusion, "Are you saying we're girls?"

Both Debi and Cross just stared at Jas, Debi sweat dropping and Cross looking amused.

Cross smiled, causing Debi and Jas to shudder slightly, "Have you looked in the mirror blondie?"

Jas scratched his tilted head, "Well… last time I checked Dero, and Debi, were definitely a guy…" he squinted his eyes in thought, his brain working overtime. Then it clicked, his eyes widened as he exclaimed in shock, "Unless Dero has changed!"

Jas looked from Debi to Cross, eyes wide, "Can that happen? Has Dero changed?" He gasped, "Has Debi changed too? Did you not tell me?"

Cross's mouth twitched as he tried to suppress his laughter, while Debi looked like he was going to murder Jas.

Jas ranted on, "If I've changed do I have to get rid of my chicken? Do I need new clothes? New underwear? Wait I don't wear any…"

Debi finally snapped, "Jas! What the fuck are you saying?"

"Dero's changed Debi! Maybe you too! I don't know though cause you didn't tell me… Cross said-"

"Godammit Jas! We're _not_ girls! That was just that Bastard mocking you moron!"

Jas stared at him, "HeeHee, OOOOOHHHHH!"

Cross couldn't hold it in any longer, he burst out laughing.

Debi got up, completely set on beating the shit out of both Cross _and_ Jas. Debi grabbed Cross's shirt with one hand while his other drew back to punch. Cross, who had still been laughing, stopped and gave Debi a wide smile. Debi's fist froze in midair as his will wavered by the alarms that seeing Cross smile sent off.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you," Cross said sardonically, "If you do, it might just "slip" out that you guys enjoy wearing frilly aprons and cleaning. I might also happen to have pictures."

Debi's mouth fell open in shock, his mind stunned as it comprehended the horror of what would happen if something like that got out. His mind just kept going over scenarios of what would happen… if Tyki knew… he wouldn't let them live it down… if the Earl knew… they might actually have to clean their room!... if Cyril knew… Debi stopped there, shivering at the mere thought. He didn't even want to imagine what Road would do… now that was beyond scary.

In short, him and Jas would never be able to live it down. His teenage mind stopped at that, not being able to handle much more.

Debi's hand dropped as he slowly backed away from Cross. His eyes were wide, still trying to get rid of the thoughts of what would happen if such a thing got out. All the fight seemed to have drained from him.

His face looked pained as he turned away from Cross sharply, "Fuck you." He gritted out, mad at Cross for blackmailing them and at himself for not being able to do anything about it.

Cross yawned as he stretched again, "Gladly. I'm so happy you see it my way." he lifted his hand to his mouth routinely, only to scowl when there was nothing in his hand.

"Damn. I need a cigarette." He mumbled as he scanned the room, tossing things on the floor as he looked through drawers, "This isn't worth it."

Debi and Jas exclaimed in outrage at their hard work being for nothing. They marched up to Cross, the threat of blackmail overwhelmed by their fury.

"We just cleaned, dammit!" Debi growled at Cross as he continued to throw items on the floor.

"HeeHee, yea!" Jas agreed as he squeaked and dove for an empty wine bottle Cross had tossed from a hidden drawer.

Cross ignored them as he kept rummaging through his belongings, muttering something about "cigarettes" and "secret departments".

Cross cried out in delight as his finger hit a button and a clicking sound vibrated through out the room. He greedily plunged his hand into a little compartment that had opened, pulling out a box of cigarettes. He shuffled one out of the box and grabbed it with his teeth. He hummed as he searched his pockets for his lighter that he always carried on him.

As he proceeded to light it, Jas and Debi both pointed at him and exclaimed in shock, "You're not allowed to do that!"

Debi held his stomach as he started to laugh, "You lose! I can leave you fucken ass!"

Jas started to laugh as well, relieved tears in his eyes, "HeeHee, I thought it would never end!"

"Oi," Cross rumbled out darkly as he pinched his cigarette in his fingers and exhaled a puff of smoke, "What're you pieces of shit so glad about?"

The twins stopped laughing as they smiled wickedly, "You just LOST," started Debi as Jas finished, "HeeHee ya, that's a no-no!"

Cross gave them a hard look as he took another drag of his cigarette. The Twins smiles faded, by this point they were scarred permanently by Cross's many looks. They shivered slightly as a chill ran down their backs.

"Well," Cross said slowly as he started to walk towards them, his presence threatening, "That's only if you _tell_, hmmm?"

Debi and Jas shot each other worried looks as they just gulped and took a step back, trying not to tremble.

"What do you-" Debi started, his voice shaking.

Cross smiled darkly as he held the cigarette in his teeth, "I think you know exactly what I'm thinking. _A dead man tells no tales_."

Debi and Jas's eyes widened as they both were rooted to their spots, unable to move. Cross slowly came closer, a hammer appearing out of his coat. He raised it threateningly, it glinting dangerously in the light.

The Twins didn't even have time to cry out.

…

_Allen's room_

…

"Hey," Tyki started from where he lounged in his chair, reading, "We haven't seen the Twins in a while… do you think they're okay?"

Road paused from where she had been clinging to Allen, trying to persuade him to put on the red velvet dress in her hands. She looked thoughtful for about a second before smiling, "They're fine."

Allen, from around Road's constraining arms, muttered darkly, "Oh no… If they are with _that_ man then there is no such thing as _fine_."

"You're so cute when you plotting murder in your head Allen~" Road gushed, "But really you should try the dress. It would look soooo good!"

"I'm not putting on the dress!" Allen cried in frustration.

"Please~?"

"No!"

Tyki smiled as he watched the pair, all thought of the Twins leaving his mind. Allen really was so cute… and it _would_ be amusing to see him in the dress.

"Road, Stop! Leave my clothes on! I'm not wearing the dress!"

"Allen!" Road whined as she struggled to try and get the dress on Allen, "Just put the dress on!"

Tyki chuckled as he put the book down, he might as well help Road or else she would never stop… and she might end up hurting Allen in the end if he didn't comply (despite how hard *cough* enjoyable *cough* it would be for her). Allen would just have to learn that it was best to just listen to Road… and Tyki wouldn't mind the feeling of being able to hold such a thing over Allen's head. It would be a way to pass the time and humiliate him… on top of getting to see Allen in the dress for himself.

…

_Cross's Room_

…

Cross made sure to double knot the ropes before he kicked the unconscious teens into the closet, locking it from the outside with a key. He sighed in mock exhaustion as he wiped his hands on his pants. He made his way to the window and "accidentally" dropped the key to the ground far, far below.

"Oops," he muttered as he let out a puff of smoke and smiled, "My bad." He dropped his cigarette where he was and stomped on it.

With his room quiet again, he made his way over to the couch, grabbing a glass of wine on his way that he had hidden before his room had been inspected for the contest. He lounged on his couch, flipping through the channels as he hummed to himself and took a sip of wine. He paused at a channel that read CWS4kids.

"Hmmm," he muttered as he watched the television screen, "This isn't that bad." *cough* a girl was on the screen *cough*

He continued to watch. He made a face as he noted the saddening absence of anything that makes a show worthwhile. No guns. No alcohol. No over exposure of women… no cigarettes. All the important things in life.

"Or maybe it's just the wine… Yea that's probably it. This _is_ some damn good stuff."


	6. Day 3 and 4

Disclaimer: You're all smart. You should know this by now.

Okay... so yea. I finally updated! Yay! Oh, this is the second to last chapter (the next one will be written the same as the first but as the closing for the show) BUT I have some side stories pertaining to this one... One is "Behind the scenes with the Earl and Komui- What they were doing the whole time" The other will be "What happened in the closet- Jas's Diary with input from Debi" and lastly- and the one that will be coming out the soonest- "Choaji's Funeral". So, yea. Tell me how you like this chapter!

Read, Review, and ENJOY!

Oh, and I'm sorry for the delay in updating!

* * *

"Soooooo," Lavi started as he walked ahead of Kanda with his hands behind his head, taking wide steps from tile to tile, "Where are we going again?"

Kanda gritted his teeth in annoyance, his hand twitching, "I already told you, I'm just going to the bathroom, _bathroom_! There is no reason for you to follow me!"

Lavi tsked as he fell back and wrapped his arm around Kanda's shoulder, "But Yu~ chan, who's to say you're not going to sneak soba into the bathroom?" Lavi made a serious face, "I need to be vigilant at all times!"

"Che, idiot..." Kanda muttered darkly.

Kanda sped up, Lavi calling from behind him to wait up. The package in his pocket seemed to burn his side with mockery. He gritted his teeth as he tried not to think about it. Only one dark thought seemed to hover over him like a cloud…

_How had that idiot known?_

…

_Allen's Room_

…

"Ah! It looks sooo cute!" gushed Road as she giggled and clapped her hands, a victorious gleam in her eyes.

Allen stood in the red velvet dress, his face almost as red. He had glistening tears in his eyes, "And I thought my master was bad…" he mumbled.

Tyki turned away, one hand clenching his stomach. The other was covering his evil grin. Oh, he would never let the boy live this down… and he looked so cute all red and embarrassed that Tyki was close to collapsing on the ground with laughter.

Tyki coughed, trying to compose himself, "Hey Road, do you happen to know where the camera is?"

Allen seemed to go from beat red, to as pale as snow. Road grinned widely, her eyes shining with mirth. She was enjoying this. Road hummed to herself, skipping from place to place, as she looked for a camera. Tyki just leaned against the wall watching with a smile as Allen tried helplessly to get the dress off. The only problem was that he wasn't used to taking off a dress… and it was laced up in the back.

"No…" Allen cried helplessly as he clawed at his back, trying to undo it, "Please no… If Lavi sees… And Kanda… Oh God, please no!"

Tyki cleared his throat, making both Road and Allen pause to look at him. He smiled widely and Allen gulped and shivered as if he knew what was coming. Tyki's smile grew as he held up his hand which, to Allen's horror and Road's delight, held… a camera.

"No!" Allen cried as a click of a button being pressed sounded, then a flash almost blinded him.

And that was the end of the world… for Allen at least.

…

_In a Random Hallway a Few Hours Later _

…

Allen ran as fast as he could, sprinting through a maze of hallways, gritting his teeth against the stitch in his side. He couldn't stop now. He had to keep going. If he stopped… he just couldn't.

He cursed as he stumbled over the now dark blue dress that had been forced upon him. Why did dresses have to be so long? He thought darkly as he cursed the dress, and Road, for all it was worth. But he couldn't delay, his very sanity- the small amount he still had considering he was wearing his fifth dress today, this one so damn long- depended on it.

"AHH!" Allen cried out as he stumbled around the corner, the hem of the dress getting caught under his foot. This time, Allen wasn't so lucky in catching himself. He fell, hitting into something hard and warm that let out a long string of curse words.

The object, person, which Allen had fallen into roughly, pushed him away, cursing again. Allen froze as he saw that it was non other then the long haired samurai himself.

Kanda, who was standing, cursing, and brushing himself off, stopped as he actually looked at Allen. Kanda's eyes became narrow slits as he fell silent, all cursing halted in its track.

After a while of them both just staring at each other, Kanda finally spoke, "What the fuck Moyashi? Is this really what you do on your spare time?"

Allen's face turned beat red as he gritted out, "What do you think Bakanda?"

Kanda was about to retort when from both sides, footsteps could be heard.

"Al~len, Where are you?" came a whiney cry.

"Road, he's not going to answer you- Ah! There's no need to hit me!"

"Well then shut up!"

"Huh? Is that you Yu~chan? Where are you! Are you avoiding me?" came another whiney voice from the other direction.

Both Allen and Kanda froze, horror written on their faces. They were trapped. Kanda cursed under his breath as he grabbed Allen's forearm, "This way."

Kanda dragged Allen down another hallway and stopped at a random door, testing to see if it was locked. It was. He cursed again and dragged Allen farther down the hallway, Allen tripping over the dress but getting dragged along despite it. He would have complained about being dragged, but he was scared for his life and he could hear Road and Tyki, not to mention Lavi- it sounded like they had actually joined up- not far behind.

They were moving so fast that they almost ran into someone who was stepping out of a room. Allen and Kanda froze, both glancing behind them before looking at who they had almost trampled. It was Komui. He had on a shocked expression and was looking at Allen curiously, then he became guarded and stood in front of the door he had exited with his arms outstretched.

"Hoho~ nothing to see here. NOTHING. Be on your way now. This isn't in anyway a secret entrance to an underground lab, NEVER! Don't think such things. It is NOT, I repeat NOT, a Komurin manufacturing room! How could it be such an absurd thing? Sillies. Hoho~" Komui ranted as he chuckled sinisterly.

Both Allen and Kanda walked around him slowly, both noting the big and obvious sign over the door which stated in bold gold letters **Komui and Earl~Chan's Co. Operative Komurin Manufacturing Lab**. They decided against saying anything not only because of the manic look in Komui's eyes, but also because there was stains on the door. Stains that looked very much like blood stains- and knowing Komui, they probably were. That and they were pressed for time.

Kanda stopped at another door- one which was in a completely different hallway then the one Komui's "not a manufacturing room" had been on- and tried again. It was locked. A look of hatred was on his face as he coldly stared at the door, as if willing it to open. He cursed again, and kicked out at the door. Hard. It opened with a bang, and Kanda didn't miss a beat before he threw Allen into the room- for which Allen was thankful that Kanda kicking the door had been enough to actually open the door because even if it hadn't, Allen had the strangest idea that Kanda still would have thrown him in the direction of the door. Kanda joined Allen, shutting the door quietly.

Kanda turned to glare at him, his eyes pure ice, "If you say one word, I'll kill you."

Allen nodded, holding his breath as he heard footsteps outside the door.

"I could have sworn I heard something here…" whined Lavi from the other side of the door.

Somebody, presumably Tyki, sighed and Road's disappointed voice added, "I can't believe he ran away… Dressing him up had been so much fun! What am I going to do now?" There was a pause, then a "Oh Bookman Junior~!"

A chill ran down Allen's back and Kanda gave him a look that could almost be pity. They both sat down against a wall, perfectly silent, ready to wait it out.

…

_A Little Bit Later_

…

Allen's stomach growled loudly, filling up the whole room.

Kanda looked at him disgustedly, "Oi, quiet your goddamned stomach!"

Allen frowned as he whined, "But I'm sooo hungry… I can't take it anymore. I want to go eat!"

Kanda stood up, "Fine… Let's go."

"You're hungry too?" Allen asked as he stood up.

"Che, I'm not like you. Even if I'm hungry my stomach doesn't announce it to the world. That goes for most normal people too."

And with that they both made their way to the cafeteria (Allen stopping by the hospital wing to pick up something-anything- to wear since he was too scared to try his room… and he needed the nurse's help to get out of the dress.)

…

_In the Cafeteria_

…

"I'm sooo sorry Allen~ I just couldn't help it!" Road sang as she wrapped her arms around Allen when he came and sat down, him shivering in response.

Kanda sat down without a sound, Lavi opened his mouth to say something but was silenced by a look that was promising things worse then just plain death.

Instead Lavi turned to Allen, who had shrugged off Road's arms enough that he could eat and was looking down at his food- which consisted of beansprouts in broth cooked and flavored the best that Jerry could do for Allen- with a look of plain misery.

"Allen," Lavi questioned as he tilted his head to the side with a contemplating look, "If you're eating beansprouts… doesn't that make you a cannibal?"

Allen gave him a cold stare but didn't grace Lavi's question with any words. Lavi laughed weakly as he rubbed his head and looked away from Allen's stare. Kanda on the other hand chuckled. Yes chuckled. Everyone, including Road and Tyki… and the whole cafeteria, stared at him in silence, shocked.

Allen, taking a few moments to recover from the shock of hearing Kanda chuckle, which was frightening enough to make someone mute, said slowly and dangerously, "What are you so amused about, hmmm? Bakanda?"

"Well Moyashi, I was trying to figure out if you being a cannibal moyashi was funnier then seeing you in that stupid dress." Kanda retorted with a smirk, which calmed everyone's nerves- mostly- until they actually took in what Kanda had said.

Allen, and Road, looked at Kanda like they were going to kill him. Allen stood up, his face a snarl as he growled out, "What did you say!"

Kanda stood up, him towering over Allen who didn't seem affected by this in his fury, "Are you deaf now too? I said I couldn't figure out which I thought was more ridiculous, you a cannibal or you in that dress. You know, D-R-E-S-S _dress_."

Allen reach down and grabbed the first thing that he could reach, which happened to be some of Tyki's soba that he had positioned in sight of Kanda to bother him. Kanda, reacting to Allen's movements reached down and grabbed hold of some of his mitarashi dango that _he_ had gotten to spite Allen.

Almost in slow motion, each of their hands, laded with the "forbidden" food of the other, came towards each of their faces. Allen shoved the soba into Kanda's mouth at the same time that Kanda shoved the dango into Allen's. They both continued to reach over the table to grab hold of each other to try and strangle the other to death, their mouth's full of food.

Everyone stared in silence as the two of them tried to kill each other by lack of oxygen. Both Lavi and Tyki got up and tried to separate them, only managing to get their heads bashed against the table and elbowed in the face and ribs… multiple times.

Out of nowhere Komui appeared with his cup of coffee in hand, "Oh my," he stated matter-of-factly, "You _both_ just lost the game! That means that I have to tell Earl~chan."

Everyone shivered and wondered about what had happened between the Earl and Komui for him to call him Earl~_chan. _And right after they started wondering, they stopped. It was too scary to think about. Then everyone grasped what he had said, and they all exclaimed and started talking in a burst of sound.

Allen and Kanda were frozen, both still grasping the others neck. Then, they both exclaimed in outrage and continued to try and kill the other, blaming each other for their losing. They would have continued, but a crowd was forming around them. A crowd of Allen's fangirls *cough* and guys *cough* who were all but squealing and demanding pictures of the so called "dress" that was mentioned.

This was when Allen started running and Road started smiling evilly thinking of the candy that she would soon be able to get.

(A/N): Just in case you didnt get it, the ending is Road thinking about all the money she will get for candy by selling the pictures she has of Allen. ;)


	7. Finale

Disclaimer: Yea... I still don't own.

I want to apologize for the delay in submitting this chapter. I don't know why, but for some reason I had forgotten that I had it all written up and ready... I really could have put it up a while ago xD Sorry! But here it is... Tell me how you like it, k? I really want to know everyone's feedback on the whole story. I also have some side stories (behind the scenes stuff) that I would like to post if people are interested. (And I already have one- Choaji's funeral- all typed up so it'll be posted by next weekend)

Enjoy the last actual chapter!

And review ;)

* * *

Earl- I would like to welcome you to the finale of the hit new series "Earl's Diet Game Show"! *heart* Now to bring out our lovely contestants.

Earl- Allen Walker!

Allen- *mumbles to self* stupid dresses… stupid bean sprouts… stupid Kanda…

Earl- Kanda Yu!

Kanda- Hey, moyashi, everyone can hear you mumbling you know! *rests hand on mugen's hilt while he locks eyes with Allen* I think I heard something about me being "stupid"?

Allen- *evilly smiles* Well, I'm impressed. I didn't know that you could understand human speech BaKanda.

Earl- *as Kanda and Allen send sparks of murderous intent between them* Yes… Well the next contestant would be Allistor Krory… but we couldn't get permission to take him out of crazyville- I mean the mental ward- yet. Apparently he just keeps muttering something about Soba being "the devil" *shrugs, not really interested* So, skipping him, that brings us to Skin Bolric.

Skin- Hey, where's my good, sweet tasting, candy? *looks around* This doesn't look like the candy store…

Earl- Very good Skin! This ISN'T a candy store.

Skin- It's not? But Rhode said…

Earl- ehhh *sweat drops* never mind…

Earl- After Skin we would have had Choaji Han… but since he's a fatass, he ended up eating Miss Lenalee Lee. *chuckles creepily* and let's just say we haven't been able to find the body and we don't really care to look *heart*

Earl- With all that said… that leads us to our last contestant *twirls as he pauses for dramatic effect* and winner… *another pause, leading it past dramatic into the epic zone* CROSS~~CHAN! *heart*

Cross- Who gave this creep permission to even use the word "chan"? I would like to find them and shoot them full of fucken holes. I'm getting nauseas here.

Earl- Don't pretend you don't like it *heart*

Cross- Those "hearts" are just as bad *fingers twitch in annoyance* Can I have my gun back now?

Earl- Patience *heart* Now to call out the overseers!

Earl- Tyki Mik

Tyki- *strides on to stage and ruffles Allen's hair* To bad it's ending. We had _so _much fun, huh Boy?

*Allen just mumbles darkly to self*

Earl- Lavi

Lavi- Yu~chan! Our inseparable relationship can't be broken by the end of the show! We'll always be together, forever! *heart*

*Lavi ducks just in time to avoid getting decapitated*

Lavi- So mean, Yu~chan! Why must you always try to detach my beautiful head?

*Lavi just dodges a swing to his torso*

Kanda- *glaring threateningly, a slightly sadistic glint to his eyes* I'm not picky about which parts I detach.

Lavi- *bunny ears appear* Yu… chan? *backs up slowly in fear*

Earl- Yes… *turning away from Kanda chasing Lavi around the stage with the intent to kill the poor redhead* Now on the Rhode.

Rhode- *hugs Allen* We made so much money for sweets *nuzzles her head against him* I mean we had so much fun, right Allen?

*Allen twitches*

Earl- Ummm Rhode dear *heart* Why are you hanging on Allen when you're Skin's overseer? *smiles creepily*

*Rhode huffs moodily as she slowly lets go of Allen and stands by Skin*

Earl- Perfect *heart* Now time for the winner's overseers… the twins Jasdero and Debitto!

…. *silence*

Earl- Jasdero and Debitto?

*everyone stares at Cross*

Cross- What? *takes a drag of his cigarette which "magically" appeared* I know I'm irresistibly good looking, but why the hell are you all looking at me?

Earl- *coughes* Cross~chan? *heart*

Cross- Yes? *a sardonic smile tugs at his expression while he can't help but twitch in annoyance*

Earl- Where are the twins? *heart*

Cross- No idea. *heart*

*distant screams are heard in the distance that sound eerily like the twins*

Earl- Well then, *ignoring the screams* I guess we'll continue without them.

Cross- Yea, forget about those filthy beings. Where's my gun?… or more importantly my money.

Earl- *sighes dramatically* You never change. Always such the demanding one *heart*

Cross- No, I just know what I want… and I always get what I want. *Allen shudders from past memories* Speaking of which… the money and my gun are?

Earl- Right here! *pulls out an envelope and Cross's gun from nowhere*

*Cross snatches both the envelope and gun, smiling sinisterly*

Earl- Now, let's look over the winner's footage from during the show! *heart*

*a large black screen appears out of nowhere*

Earl- *magically has popcorn* let's enjoy!

3…

2…

1…

*Footage of Allen in the dresses plays on screen. Everyone is dead silent. The Earl's popcorn falls to the ground. Everyone slowly turns to look at Allen, who has a horrified expression frozen on his face*

Kanda- Che, nice DRESS_ES_ beansprout.

*Allen's eyes glint dangerously at everyone, daring a single soul to continue*

Cross- What the fuck stupid apprentice? Did I raise you to turn out like that?

*Allen twitches*

Rhode- *gushes* But he looks so cute! *a evil smile appears* And the pictures made so much money *heart*

Cross- *scratches his chin while he smiles evilly as an idea of how to make some money crosses his mind* Really now… hmmm…

*Allen's veins pop out*

Tyki- *trying to console Allen* Don't worry, you make such a _cute _girl

*Allen finally snaps, letting out a war cry as he activates his innocence. He charges the screen, destroying it until there is nothing but dust*

Earl- *who still hasn't moved a muscle since he dropped his popcorn, finally stirs* So…

*everyone pauses (even Allen who was still stomping on the already pulverized screen) to stare at the Earl*

Rhode-… Earl?

Earl-… So… So… So…

Tyki- Earl. Snap out of it!

Earl- So… CUTE!

*everyone's mouth drops open, stunned stupid*

Lavi- "regaining his wits, questions hesitantly* Ummm… General Cross?

Cross- Huh?

Lavi- Wasn't that suppose to be _your _footage? Of what _you_ were doing?

Cross- *smiles in a way that makes everyone shiver* And your point is?

Lavi- *hesitates, knowing that he is entering a dangerous topic* Well… did… you… ummm… switch the footage cables that went to your camera to Allen's?

Cross- *smile gets wider* Now why would I do that? *heart*

Lavi- *sweat drops* Hehe… yea…

Earl- *trying to regain his composure as his eyes are wide and creepy* Ummm… yes… footage… must have been… switched… *coughs*

*Komui walks out on stage sipping his coffee*

Komui- Yes, now I think that's all folks. And since our host is, um, out of commission *looks pointedly at the Earl who is still spacing out* I'll cover the closing for my dear friend Earl~chan! *heart*

*everyone shivers, disgusted at the fact that Komui called the Earl not only his _dear friend _but also _chan*_

Komui- Since I have a lot of… _work_ to get done… I'll be blunt. *fixes glasses with an evil smile*

THANK YOU EVERYONE FOR TRUDGING ALONG THROUGH THIS TO THE END. I HOPE EVERYONE ENJOYED THEMSELVES AS MUCH AS THE CHARACTERS *chuckles darkly*

IF YOU'D LIKE SECRET "BEHIND THE SCENES" STORIES WILL BE COMING. HAVE A GREAT DAY!

… And Komurin… MAKE THIS A WONDERFUL FINALE!

*everyone stops abruptly from leaving, their eyes becoming scared*

Everyone in Unison- … Komurin?

Komui- *chuckles menacingly as his glasses glint* GO MY CREATION… WITH EARL~CHAN!

*a mechanical noise is heard as a giant robot appears*

Komurin- Yes, master. *the komurin lifts its arms* Fireworks!

Unison- *everyone pales* Fire… works?

And nobody had time to run before the place was up in smoke.

Fin.


End file.
